Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
