We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
