Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
