JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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