It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
