In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well you can't waste a boner
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
