i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
