did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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