Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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