you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
