I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
