brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She said her name was "party"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
