can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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