Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
