My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
