yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
