she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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