So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
