i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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