HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sarcasm needs its own font
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
