I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
