i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
