the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
