I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
