umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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