you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
