Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
