I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
