Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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