So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
