You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
