when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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