So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
