Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
