My cat gives me a boner
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
