So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
