**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
