Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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