i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
