its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
