I can't breathe out the right side of my face
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
