I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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