I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
