just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
