She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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