She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
