Me too!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
