I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
