is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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