i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
