I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
