You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
