Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
