Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
