if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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