in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
