I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
