You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
