youre lurking in front of me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
