I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
