i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my being single is dangerous.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
