Plan B is the new Plan A
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
