Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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