i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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