Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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